It seems like now that I’m approaching (gasp) my thirties, relationships have so much more pressure riding on them than they did when I was younger. When it comes to qualities in a possible suitor, I know exactly what I’m looking for down to a science. By now I know what it takes to keep me happy, and how important it is to find a healthy relationship is over a lustful one–but what I’ve noticed time and time again, is when a couple begins to face relationship problems, why does everything you know so well suddenly become so hard to remember?
I realize love clouds all judgement, but it seems like there are so many of my friends in relationships stuck in this sort of grey area and every single one of them is completely miserable in their relationship limbo. Let me go on record, the grey area never works out well for anyone. That whole–are we, aren’t we scenario? It’s a total mind game, and someone is bound to get hurt.
So if you’re stuck–what do you do? Have an honest conversation with yourself. I’m an only child, so this for me is not weird at all, but it’s something you should learn how to do with all serious dilemmas. Why I think it’s SO important is because outside pressures and vocal friends have the ability to influence your own thoughts when really this is between you and your significant other.
What I always ask myself, or friends going through similar situations, is whether or not this is something we/you can work past? For example, one of my best friends (who happens to be the funniest guy I know) sent a series of not-so-nice text messages calling his ex calling her a ‘cunt.’ Any person will agree that it’s a dirty, dirty word, and also, it’s blatantly disrespectful–however, in the grand scheme of things, it’s not really something I would consider a deal breaker (simply my opinion, you’re welcome to your own), however cheating, in my opinion is.
As prepared as you may be in life, you’ll never know what a deal breaker is until you’re actually faced with it. The most important thing about recognizing one is whether it’s something you can forgive or move past. It’s amazing how many people don’t question this. There are so many relationships I know where there’s a certain bitterness or grudge held over their boyfriend/girlfriend’s head because of something that happened years ago–and that’s not fair for anyone.
Every situation is different, people stay together because they live together or have been with together for such a long time that they don’t even want to deal with dating again, but I promise you if you’re unhappy in your relationship or you’re stuck in a grey area with no avail–you’ll be better off starting over even if it means having to sleep on a friend’s couch while you get on your feet again or joining match.com for a less evasive way to go back to the dating scene.
I just felt so many friends of mine have gone through this, and since I just got out of a relationship myself–hopefully I’ve helped you avoid relationship limbo. But above all, I hope this helps you establish a happy and healthy relationship (even if it means with yourself).
So if you like to just cut to the good part, here’s my how-to on avoiding a doomed relationship:
1. Get out of the grey area–no one is happy there.
2. Have an honest conversation with yourself about what YOU want, and what will keep YOU happy.
3. Establish whether or not you can forgive them, is this something you believe you can work out?
4. Communicate. With them. I didn’t touch on the whole communicating issue, but passive aggressive behavior doesn’t get you anywhere in life and it’s amazing what communication can do for your problems.
5. Be happy, in the end that’s all that matters!